


The persistence of memory

by Nisaki



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Sam's memory box, Wincest - Freeform, Wincest Writing Challenge, october round
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-23 23:39:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8347303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisaki/pseuds/Nisaki
Summary: Sam's holding on to fragments gathered throughout his life, the pieces that lead him here





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for the wonderful people holding this monthly event <3
> 
> round two/objects/ Sam's memory box.

Sometimes, when he closes his eyes Sam thinks he can hear the stream of time, second after second slipping through his fingers, not unlike water. Time waits for no one, running fast and leaving him behind, gasping in a vain attempt to catch up. Precious hours passing by with memories as an only trace. The sole evident he lived and was actually there.

Sam realized from an early age that unlike others, he had nothing to show for his moments, no home to attach his memories to, no one place holding his growing up, nor one school with the same faces. Instead, his past was filled with blurred features he couldn't make out no matter how hard he tried to remember.

 He started it when he was five, and he'd never told Dean (His older brother wasn't mean at that age, but Sam still felt like keeping something for just _him_ ). He called it the memory box (Yeah, lame but he was five) he still calls it that because it stuck.

In the beginning he put anything he found there, trying to keep something from every place they visited or stayed in. Soon enough he'd realized that it was impossible; they lived in too many places to fit into one box and he couldn't carry more than one around. At seven he threw everything away and started collecting random stuff, giving them names of people he liked or those who have been nice to him, again it was too many things to fit into a box.

At nine, Dean made him a car that had all its proportions off, and obviously out of junk. It was his birthday that night, his big brother found a way to celebrate it as always, and maybe it was that they had nothing to eat, maybe it was Dean's cut fingers, or maybe it was the guilt he recognized in Dean's eyes as if he wasn't good enough, as if he wanted to apologize he couldn't buy Sam a cake and costly gifts. He didn't know what it was, still doesn't know but he took the toy from Dean and hugged him hard, told him he was the best brother ever, and Dean was - _is_ \- the best. 

His box changed for the last time after that, he put there what was important, things only shared with his big brother; a piece of glass that cut his hand, Dean had kissed his wound even though he was twelve and so much older than that for kissing boo boos' ritual.

A flower from the field where Dean lit the 4th of July's sky with red and blue fire, the night of his first kiss.

A marble that looked like it has the sunset's colours in it, the one Dean stole from one of his co-workers at some garage and gave it to him, saying that it reminded him of Sam's ever changing eyes.

A small piece of cloth from the tee Dean was wearing when he took Sam's virginity and gave him the world in the backseat of the impala.

The note he found on the morning he left Dean behind, that was in an envelope with two hundred bucks and read _I'm sorry I can't offer more_ and had pressing marks saying _I love you, Sammy_ that Dean must've wrote on the paper above and decided to through away. Sam cried on it and it was soaked and unreadable when he closed the lid over it.

The ridiculous, girly butterfly medal that Sam cringed his nose at when Dean presented it to him on his 23rd birthday, the first they celebrated together after Stanford and Jess. The first night they found their way back into each other's arms.

Dean's ring after he died. He was torn between the ring and the amulet, should he place the amulet in the box and wear the ring? Decided later that he couldn't put his own gift to Dean in his box, wishing he could keep all of Dean instead of a piece of metal and a crap protection charm that didn't protect him at all.

His broken phone with poisonous words, said in Dean's deep angry tone. Laces from Dean's boot, and some pictures of them together. A broken watch that Dean wore when he traveled in time and Sam thought he lost him again.

 Dean's small switch blade that he kept around his ankle. He stole that one after Dean came back from purgatory. Dean was so angry then and Sam thought that he should get another memory, just in case.

The handkerchief Dean used to bandage his hand in a deserted church, the one that served as a thread holding him together, binding his soul to Dean's more than it already was, saving his life.

Another note, this one harsher and cleaner; cruel in its finality, so much that Sam couldn't wet it with tears, couldn't accept it. He still kept it, a reminder of how easily Dean might leave him if he didn't hold on strong enough.

The fake amulet given to Dean by their crazy yet adorable fan, because the real one is back around Dean's neck, no longer crippling Sam's heart.

Poster from a house for old people, just because Dean said that they should make their reservations.

More meaningless junk that meant the world to Sam, his whole life held in a tiny, wooden casket with worn out edges, all about his brother.

All about Dean, just like always, just like it should be.

He'd never change a thing, he'd never erase a moment, not anything that lead to _this_. He's 33 now, dressed in his cheap suit, ready to yet again close the lid over Dean's ring. But this time, this time it's because Dean's going to have another ring. In a little over an hour from now, a band engraved with Sam's name will hold Dean's left ring finger and never, ever let go. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is love!


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